did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
