Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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