i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
