The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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