that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
