I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
