We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
