At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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