he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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