chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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