fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
