i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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