and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
