New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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