im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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