I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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