Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
