I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fill condoms, not promises.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
