DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
