Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
