I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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