This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
