I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
