he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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