i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
