he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
