Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
