i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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