yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We need to rekindle our bromance
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
