Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I love having hate sex.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
