So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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