I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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