This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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