Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
