I want to stick my p in your. b.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
