As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
