too bad you live with your parents still
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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