he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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