I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
