My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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