Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
