it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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