First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
