And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just pee around me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
