We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
