My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
