Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
