If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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