so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
