You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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